Recently, there was a misunderstanding between me and a colleague. They weren’t mean about it  — but my clairsentience could empathically sense their displeasure. In the past, my sensitivity would have made me cower. I would have felt bad, quickly bringing up scripts in my head about how I am not good enough, which would then fuel an adrenaline rush of fervor to make it right. The energy spent would no way match the size of the misunderstanding — It was an exhausting way of being.

Having let go of these debilitating old scripts, my first thought was “It’s not that important. Nothing is really that important.” My next thought was, “Whoa.” As if I was in The Matrix, my mind entered an existential black hole of nothingness. It felt disorienting, but also liberating. The black hole whispered — NOTHING MATTERS — it was amazing.

In this black hole of nothingness, I could see how we put pressure on ourselves by assigning importance to things. For a time, I thought getting promotions, going to expensive restaurants and having a “perfect life” were important. I look back at the Bonnie of my early-30s who thought the research I did at my corporate job was really important and now I wonder — Wait… What was so important about it? I think back to old bosses who’d tell me projects, deadlines and presentations were important. Now I’m perplexed by why I would have believed them. 

Of course some people do important things like provide for the impoverished or negotiate world peace. But overall, most of the things that I do are not that important, or at least not so important that one bad move means everything comes crumbling down. I suppose surviving a pandemic and a year plus of masks, vaccinations and hoarding toilet paper asks us the question — what’s really important?

In this black hole of nothingness, I see all of the anxiety that was produced trying to achieve things that I had bestowed as important. I placed a pressure on myself to live up to the expectations that I created.

Of course this expectation came from somewhere. I wasn’t born with it as an innocent little baby, asking for a raise during diaper changes. We are influenced by those around us — especially our family, teachers, friends, coworkers… (basically everyone) — as to what’s important. As babies, we didn’t have much that was important besides eating and pooping, and so, others gave us what they thought was important.

This is what’s crazy. In the black hole of nothingness, I can see how at any moment, we can re-choose. We can decide that we no longer want this pressure and stop taking it on. In this choice, there may be grieving, disappointment and anger. Old emotions may surface; after ignoring our emotions we tend to shovel it in a storage container within our bodies and try to forget about it. The feelings were trying to wake us up — what we were unwilling to feel will always be knocking on our bodily door until we get the message.

I know the idea that “Nothing matters” can sound cynical. But just for a moment, try to see it another way: “Nothing matters” is awesome. When nothing matters, we can relax a bit. We can hang our hats, put our feet up and not worry about getting things done. If it doesn’t come out perfect, it doesn’t matter… because nothing matters.

Of course, “Nothing matters” is only a half truth that we humans can only dwell in for a limited passage of time. It’s kinda like taking a ride at Epcot. It’s fun for a while, but us humans are not meant to be on a dark roller coaster for that long. 

After a while, we must leave the dark hole of nothingness and decide: What’s important to us? What do we value? It’s up to us to choose. Hint: Don’t choose the thing that gives you anxiety. Go for the thing that feels good. If you don’t know how to choose — close your eyes — Your heart will tell you. 

⁠
In gratitude, Bonnie
💜🌈🌞✨

Do you hear the nudge?

It’s there.

There’s something you’re being nudged to do, to say, to hear.

What is it?

I find that when I don’t listen to my nudges, I go into anxiety. Instead, I use my mind to “figure it out.”

I think I’m so smart. That I can conquer anything using my mind. (I can’t.)

Don’t get me wrong, we need our minds.

But the mind serves the nudge, the intuition. Not the other way around.

I know it can be confusing to discern between our intuition and our minds.

Intuition is soft and quiet. That’s because intuition is loving. It nudges us in this way that’s like “hey… how about this?” And it’s up to us to accept its suggestion.

The mind is loud. It speaks rudely to us at times, like “You lazy bum, why don’t you do this.”

The mind really doesn’t want to have to be “‘that person,” but we ask the mind to do stuff that it’s not meant to. The mind is great for certain tasks, like help us get to the Newbury Street in rush hour traffic. Or figure out the tip at a restaurant. Stuff like that.

We delegate all sorts of jobs to our mind, when there are other decision-making centers, like our body and intuition. So is it really a wonder our mind gets a little grumpy sometimes when we give it more than it’s meant to handle?

If you’re wondering how to discern if a nudge is your intuition, here are some tips:

• It feels good. Even if fear, worry, nervousness comes in later when your mind begin to think more about it, there is a general positive feeling to the nudge.
• It’s the first thing that pops into your head, in the morning. I’ve found that I am most pure when I wake up because my spirit has just come back to my body, and I haven’t had time to think.
• You ask yourself the intention for the nudge and it is “uncomplicated” and loving. Good chance it is coming from your intuition. Our minds complicate things more than it needs.

It is true that our nudges will get louder over time. That’s because it’s actually really painful to not listen and follow on our intuition.

Our intuition is our connection to our true and highest self. And when we’re cut off from ourselves, we get anxious.

We think anxiety are external factors creating the anxiety, when it’s actually our own selves, knocking harder through our bodies to tell us something.

So it’s best to listen to the nudge. And act on the nudge. It feels good to act on our nudges and our intuition. It’s trying to bring us the joy that is ours to inherit.

This is how we flow with life. This is how we flow with our truest and deepest nature and desires.

Much love to you.

⁠In gratitude, Bonnie
💜🌈🌞✨

⁠My latest article on Jumble & Flow, “This middle-aged woman’s honest review of Natural Cycles, a non-hormonal birth control app“ has me thinking about science, intuition, rationality, and gut feelings.

Mainly, I believe in all of it. I believe in science. I believe in intuition. I believe in being rational. And I believe in gut feelings.

Somewhere along the way, we’ve pitted intuition and gut feelings against science and the rational, as if both can’t exist together. 

Our society has become one of opposition.

If you’re not for it, you’re against it. If you’re against it, you must not be for it.

Somewhere along the way, we’ve lost nuance. We’ve lost the idea that there is a time and place for opposites. And that life is about the balance of both—Of all.

In the article, I talk about listening to gut feelings. They came through painful menstrual cramps, and eventually felt I needed to listen to my body and go off The Pill. It may be true that there is no scientific evidence that shows that The Pill produces adverse effects and has few side effects for most of the population who takes it. 

As a former research analyst, both qualitative and quantitative, I also know that numbers and percentages give us a helpful birds eye view of a population’s experience, but each person has our own nuance, and we are not just a number. We are individuals with bodies that are all our own. With emotions, feelings, varying environments and situations that contribute to our own personal health, biology and needs.

By choosing to use Natural Cycles, I am not anti-science. I am choosing to use science in a different way. 

This is how intuition and the rational can work together. My intuition tells me I need to make a change. And science gave me a new possibility that uses rational scientific methods to create a new way. We do similar things every day of our lives. We get a feeling — a need, a desire, a “knowing.” And we use our logical minds to make it happen.

As Albert Einstein said “I believe in intuition and inspiration. Imagination is more important than knowledge. For knowledge is limited, whereas imagination embraces the entire world, stimulating progress, giving birth to evolution. It is, strictly speaking, a real factor in scientific research.“

It is not anti-science to open up our imaginations. Use our intuition and our gut feelings. It is progress. It is improvement. It propels positive change.

I’ll end this on another Albert Einstein quote: 

“The intuitive mind is a sacred gift and the rational mind is a faithful servant. We have created a society that honors the servant and has forgotten the gift.”

Sending much love.

In gratitude, Bonnie
💜🌈🌞✨

In my latest article on Jumble & Flow, I wrote about how a coworker came to me in a dream as a spirit. The dream was ethereal, as dreams tend to be. But this was something else. It was like we were in an empty, beautiful void, just the two of us. The energy could only be described as pure love as he took my hand and said, “I want to start a family with you.”

As I go on to say in my article, I woke up from the dream confused. I wasn’t interested in the co-worker, and motherhood was still only a vague question-mark in my mind.

The dream felt so good though, so safe. And it triggered an intense desire in me. My mind questioned the desire, and fear settled in. I shooed away the desire and the seed of Motherhood, the dream was attempting to show me.

It’s been several years later, and now, I am in a relationship with a former co-worker, not the one from my dream. We’re in love and building towards an amazingly spiritual and loving partnership walking towards the possibility of starting a family together. 

I look back on that dream and I can’t help but chuckle. 

The Universe clearly wanted to get my attention. Dreaming is a way The Universe / Guides / Angels / Higher Self etc communicates with us. I look back and can see how The Universe wanted to wake me up to this desire I was suppressing, the desire to walk towards Motherhood.

I look back on the dream, and in some ways, it could be called a premonition, but really it was my Guides trying to steer me in a more aligned direction.

God / The Universe lovingly gives us free will, which means we have the power of choice. We can choose whatever path we’d like, but there are Hopes we had set out for ourselves before we came into our existence in this life. When we walk towards love, we walk towards alignment. 

God / The Universe wanted to remind me of this Hope I had set out for myself, but it didn’t want to ruin the surprise! It wanted to give me clues without telling me exactly what would happen, and so it substituted a different co-worker to get my attention without the surprise of what, where or who exactly. I’ve had this feeling for a while, my person, is an ex-coworker, but I didn’t know who. If we knew all the details of life, that’d ruin the fun! Life is about living it.

People often go to Tarot Readers or Psychics to know the future. Our worry causes us to think we’d be better off knowing the future. There are a few points I want to make about this:

1) The future hasn’t happened yet, so how can we tell it? We have free will, and others have free will. Each choice can spur things to happen one way, or another. So we can’t know if something will happen for certain.

2) If we know the future, we limit our own possibility – When someone tells you the future, they tell you a possible future. When you believe it, you ground into a limited possibility. God / The Universe wants the best for you. It wants more for you than you want for yourself. When we stay open to the unknown, we stay open to possibilities beyond what we fathom. 

3) The Universe wants to surprise you – Again. Ruined surprises are no fun!

We may get dreams, visions, information about the future. But as I’ve experienced it, “future information” is meant to get you to act, in the present. It gives you these potential views into the future as a way to encourage you to align with your soul, usually they’re not easy paths. 

Whether you choose to align yourself and walk that path, is your choice. If you do, be open to the surprise the Universe wants to give you.

⁠
In gratitude, Bonnie
💜🌈🌞✨

I’m developing a new theory.

It’s called the Goldilocks Theory of the Universe.

The Universe wants the best for you.

It wants way better for you than you even know.

But we don’t know what’s possible. We don’t know how good we could have it.

And so, the Universe shows you.

Just like Goldilocks, and the Universe presents you with the Three Bear’s porridge, one at a time.

As a young naive girl, we venture into the forest, and we’re presented with what’s wrong for us. 

The first porridge we try is cold. We may not realize it’s not very good. It’s the only thing we’ve ever had, and so we keep eating the cold porridge. 

Whether this is a relationship, or a job, we’re so glad to have anything to quench our hunger, we may not even realize that cold porridge isn’t that great.

After a while, we realize that maybe something better is out there. And so, we get up the courage to stop eating the cold porridge in search for better porridge.

We move on. And so, the Universe gives us some hot porridge. Having only experienced cold porridge, the hot porridge is appealing, at first! It takes us to the other extreme. The hot porridge wakes up senses we didn’t even know we had. It’s exciting. It’s thrilling. It’s burning our tongue and yet we keep eating.

After a while, the pain of burning our tongue is too much to bear. And so we brave the possibility of never eating porridge again, and go out into the unknown in search for better porridge. 

We’ve learned. 

Cold porridge is bland. Hot porridge is too painful. If any comes our way, we’re not taking it. 

Before the Universe can give us the right porridge we had to experience the extremes. We had to know for ourselves, what we don’t want, some of the qualities that we do want. And to know we deserve better.

Until we say “No, I deserve better” – we will keep getting crap porridge.

If you are unhappy with your porridge, (or job, relationship, etc), the Universe wants you to wake up from it. It wants to give you better. 

But first, YOU have to say no.

It wants to bring you something beyond what your mind can fathom as possible. 

Our Minds create based on past experiences of what we know. 

Our Spirit creates based on all possibilities, beyond what our minds can make up. 

Beyond comprehension. 

To experience Spirit’s gifts, we must trust in it. Trust in letting go of the past. Trust in letting go of what we know. Trust that Spirit will guide us and bring us beyond what and who we thought we can be.

If, and when we do. The Universe brings us the most amazingly delicious porridge in the whole world. Porridge you didn’t even know existed. Porridge that you couldn’t even ask for because  you’d never experienced it before.

And you wonder why you had said yes to the cold porridge, or the hot porridge. 

You wonder why you didn’t allow yourself this amazing porridge sooner.

⁠
In gratitude, Bonnie
💜🌈🌞✨