Lately, I’ve been feeling defensive.⁠

As one who is committed to a path of growth, I want to “be better.” I want to be a person who isn’t defensive — someone who is always loving and open.⁠

And if I am not feeling that way, I want to find the root cause and heal that, so that I can… be a better person.⁠

I was having trouble with healing it. I could see I have some old programming and trauma that causes me to be defensive, and after performing some energy healing around it, that nagging anxious feeling remained. It was time for me to have a sit down to meditate and chat with my higher self and guides!⁠

The response I got was surprising. My critical mind expected a scolding for being a not-good-enough-human, but instead, I got the opposite.⁠

My guide said, “Consider what you’re doing is quite courageous. Give yourself compassion for your efforts.”⁠
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She went on… “Rigor adds on.”

My inner voice interpreted and the “aha” came. I realized what I need now is not rigorous healing, but compassion.⁠

Defensiveness is a survival mechanism. It is only trying to protect me. ⁠

I thanked the defensiveness for protecting me, and gave myself compassion for the times others had taken advantage of me.

The anxiousness began to fall away.⁠

Now that I’ve had time to reflect, I realized that the defensiveness was something I needed to voice. I had concerns, and it wanted to be heard. ⁠

Clarifying these concerns with the person I was feeling defensive with, laid some groundwork for a more fruitful future interaction. They’ve heard my stance and some boundaries were put into place.⁠

I see this rigorous push on ourselves to “be better” often within myself and others. We think — we need to be better, we want to be better. Better people, better co-workers, better partners, better family members.

It’s good to want to be better, but sometimes what we actually need is compassion, self-love, or to be gentle with ourselves. ⁠To recognize the pain of past sufferings and that maybe that anxious voice is trying to help you.

It’s good to grow. But let us grow without the expense of self-love or self-compassion. For…. What is growth without self-love? 🤷🏻‍♀️⁠⁠

Sending much love!

💜🌈🌞✨

-Bonnie