For a decent portion of my life, I got it in my head that “complex” is better. But lately, I’m enjoying a simpler life, but I am questioning it. Is this okay? It feels like I’m ‘not doing much’ — is that alright? And it’s not like I don’t have things going on. For example, I’m engaged, trying to have a baby, writing for Jumble & Flow, etc etc, so there are things happening, but none of it is ‘complicated’ (well, maybe having the baby part). And somehow this feeling of non-complication makes me wonder — is it okay for my life to be simple? 

And it got me thinking — Why am I even pondering this, of course it’s okay for my life to be simple! The answer is of course, yes! So then the question remains, why do I fear simplicity?

Why we fear simplicity

I guess I should speak for myself. I fear simplicity because if I’m simple, it must mean I am stupid — that’s my belief at least. For much of my life, I wanted to prove that I was smart, and so when I became a marketer and analyst, I loved labeling myself as strategic on my resume. There is complexity to strategy — (of course, it doesn’t have to be) but I wanted to be strategic because I want to show that I am a complex thinker, smart and and able to be one step ahead of everyone else.

As a former marketer, strategy meant things like creating a brand or identity that your audience can relate to. Overall, not a bad thing if that is what you are, but most brands are not the audience they sell to. So, really it’s just creating a false identity as a way to manipulate others into liking you.

Sadly, this is pretty similar to how I went about many of my relationships (romantic, friendships, work etc.) — creating a false identity in order to get people to like me; I wasn’t being authentic.

I could sit here and beat myself up over that, but what’s the use? I was trying to protect myself from the pain of rejection, which we all do in our own way. 

This is how being strategic was a source of anxiety for me — I was just lying to myself and others. Lying meant having to keep up appearances, a constant charade, a created version of myself that’s not actually me. This takes a lot of energy upkeep — mentally, emotionally and physically. It’s exhausting.

Fear of being basic

I also fear and believe simplicity also means you’re boring and don’t have much going on. 😛 Currently “Ya Basic” is a trending insult the kids use nowadays, that means you’re boring and uninteresting as I understand it. (Wow, that last sentence made me feel old, lol.) 

We don’t wanna be basic, we wanna be cool, and exciting humans who appear to have lots going on. Drama means you are interesting, but drama also means complexity and emotions that bounce from one extreme emotion to another — which is not that comfortable and yet we want it. I suppose it was what we saw on TV for a long time — entertainment needs drama for it to be interesting. But really as we can see via YouTube, there’s a lot of simple “TV” that’s quite entertaining. A few days ago, I watched an ASMR video where a tortoise eats various vegetables for 10 minutes and I freakin’ loved it.

The joy of simplicity

Between COVID and some of my own life decisions, life has gotten simpler, and I love it. I love living a simple little life where I get up in the morning, make tea, do some writing, have lunch, maybe have some appointments in the afternoon, or maybe just go for a walk in nature. I end the night making dinner for me and my fiance, then sit down to play video games or Netflix on the couch. 

As a kid, I dreamed of a big city life. In college, I fantasized about working in an advertising agency expecting drama, intrigue and love triangles — I didn’t want to be simple. Even though as I worked in tech, you’d expect drama, intrigue and love triangles, but it seldom happened. There are some people where drama follows them, but honestly, drama didn’t give a crap about me. Sometimes, I would force drama to happen even though it made me anxious, and yet I went into the drama more in order to prove that I am interesting. (Which now, feels like a totally weird notion — why keep myself in that discomfort?!).

When I look back at my life, I can see how I tried to force complexity when my most natural state is simplicity. I was fighting it all my life, when simplicity was right there, ready for me to accept whenever I was ready.

Now, I can experience the joy in the simple things — that famous quote was right, who knew? I feel joy in seeing the wildflowers in the field. I feel joy in cleaning my kitchen. I feel joy playing Tetris on the Switch. I feel joy sitting on my couch and staring out the window. 

The temptation of complexity

Don’t get me wrong, the ghosts of complexity still haunt me and I’ll go into bouts of “wait, shouldn’t I be doing something more or more complex? Even in my spiritual circles, we speak about “not being small” — and I look at my life and what I do, and sometimes wonder, “should I be doing more?” Should I be planning more? Be more strategic? Create something bold? 

For some people, that is their path. To go out there and do big, bold things, but that’s just not me. “Small” is not the opposite of bold or courageous — there is quiet strength to smallness that I appreciate. If we’re hiding because we’re scared then we may be inhibiting our true selves, but there is also being “small” because that is who you are, who you’re meant to be, and there’s nothing wrong with that.

The world needs “small” because what would the world be like if everyone were big and loud? The world needs quiet. The world needs simplicity to balance all of the boldness going on in the world. The world needs people who are simply kind, or who simply tell the truth or simply love one another. 

For a long time, I hid my simplicity. I feared that others would see that I really don’t have that much going on; I’m not that interesting. I still grapple with it sometimes because we’re programmed to be more. As time goes on in my slowdown into simplicity, I feel the joy in my smallness and know that accepting my simplicity is what brings me bliss. 

Maybe later in life, I will want to go out there and do more, be more. Maybe I will have a message I need to broadcast out to the world in big bright lights. But for now, I see the beauty in being basic. I am basic, and I love it.

In gratitude, Bonnie
💜🌈🌞✨