This article was posted on my old website, FlybirdFly.co and was written in 2018. I hope it gives solace to anyone who grapples with a similar question. Much love to you!

I was once asked by a woman seeking understanding and relief.  “How do I forgive someone who hurt me badly?” She was in the last stages of cancer. She knew she was going to die and wasn’t looking to be healed. She just wanted to comprehend and find peace in her last days.

Forgiveness is a loaded word. People knows what it means, and doesn’t know what it means at the same time. I asked myself, how do explain it to someone this fragile? Someone who suffered most of her life and at the end of her life. She doesn’t have time for philosophical musings to understand forgiveness. 

In that moment, I wasn’t even sure what forgiveness meant. Do I myself know? I could tell she wasn’t ready to forgive her abuser. And to tell her to do so was not honoring her or letting her have the space to process her pain.

So I asked Spirit for how to answer her. And what I got was this:

“Despite it all, I am worthy.”

That’s it! I thought. So simple. So wise. 

Spirit gave me this mantra to give to her as a way to understand what forgiveness is about. A seed that isn’t about the action of forgiveness as society or religious notions has deemed it, but how forgiveness simply happens as a result of letting go of incorrect beliefs given to you by others through their heinous actions.

Her inherited mis-belief was that she is not worthy based on the abuse she received in her life. That she must not be lovable based on what others said to her, done to her.

We often focus forgiveness of others rather than empower ourselves, and want to do what is ‘right’ as morally dictated. It is the ‘right thing’ to forgive others. It is righteous to act for others, rather than to act for ourselves. We may believe that in order to have peace in a relationship something needs to be done in regards to the other person. It’s simply not true.

When we focus on ourselves and our own empowerment, we are able to break free of judgement (others and your own) and understand that no matter what others do or say, we are worthy of love. 

It is to say to ourselves, “It doesn’t matter what other people said, or did to me, I KNOW I am worthy.”

It’s about taking back your own power from those who hurt you and deciding for yourself that you are lovable no matter what. To let go and no longer allow it to rule you. By empowering and loving yourself, others are automatically forgiven. 

Forgiveness is not an action. Self-empowerment is. Forgiveness is a byproduct of knowing your worth, no matter what.

 

Forgiveness Exercise

I know I just said forgiveness is not an action 🙂 but this exercise will ease the process.

1) Close your eyes. Ground and center. 

2) First, recognize the experience and pain that this person you’d like to forgive had given you. Where is it in your body? Tell your pain that you see it and feel it. Do this for 5 to 10 seconds.

3) Now, recognize the person that you’d like to forgive. Ask yourself – was this person in pain? What fears did they have? Were they passing their pain onto you? Simply give a nod of recognition. It doesn’t mean that it’s an excuse or it was okay. In as neutral as possible, recognize that they are human.

4) Say out loud “Despite it all, I am worthy. No matter what was said or done, I am worthy of my love.”

Say this mantra a few times and for the next few days or weeks – however long it takes. If you get emotional, let it out. It will help you release the emotion you’ve kept with you.

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Much Gratitude to this woman for being my teacher. She taught me something very important about forgiveness, and I felt like it was her last gift to pass on. ….Until the next life. Love, Light & Peace to you. <3

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In gratitude, Bonnie
💜🌈🌞✨