I was reading Tosha Silver’s It’s Not Your Money, when my solar plexus, 3rd chakra, became quite agitated. All sorts of anxiety came up.

Over the years, I have had a love-hate relationship with my 3rd chakra. Our 3rd chakra, located two inches above the belly button, rules our personal power, identity, and energy distribution. 

On a good day, our 3rd chakra is our place of empowerment, boundaries, and motivation. On a bad day, it is defensive, overly protective, egoic.

I felt my 3rd chakra knocking unhappy, as I read Tosha’s words like “It’s handling any burden — whether a desire, attachment, illness, finances, or anything — back to God.”

This surrender faith talk had me reeling with anxiety. I decided to stop, and close my eyes to have a chat with my 3rd.

Here is the conversation:

Me: Hey, third chakra, what’s up?

3rd Chakra: Ah.. I don’t know about this.

Me: You don’t know about what?

3rd Chakra: Letting go.

Me: Letting go of what? Control?

3rd Chakra: Yeah. My job is to protect you. I want to protect you.

Me: I understand. What do you need in order to feel safe?

3rd Chakra: Proof.

Me: Proof of what?

3rd Chakra: That it’s going to be okay.

Me: We can’t know for sure. We can’t be certain of the future.

3rd Chakra: Yeah, that’s true. Any proof would only be false proof. Can you just make it easier on me?

Me: How can I do that?

3rd Chakra: I’m glad you’re listening to me.

Me: I’m so glad, third chakra.

3rd Chakra: I want you to hear me. I want to know what’s going on. I’m a voice that wants to be heard.

Me: I will listen to you from now on.

3rd Chakra: I feel better, I can let it go.

Me: Good.

My third chakra wanted “proof” — proof that everything will be okay. This is old programming that says: before you make a decision, find proof. Proof it will turn out okay. Proof of success.

Except that the proof doesn’t actually exist. We think that the more proof we can get the safer we will be. We can be informed to the best of our ability, but when it comes down to it, it’s about just taking a jump — a leap of faith.

Faith and surrender carries no proof. And there are no guarantees. Only a feeling in our heart on whether we feel it’s the right direction.

Sometimes, I can intellectually understand, but inside my body, the programming still exists.

My poor ole’ 3rd chakra was holding that programming for me. Because she’s the center of my identity, she holds the voice of what I’ve been taught and believed for a long time.

As a former atheist and professional analyst, I was still holding onto the belief that we need concrete evidence, data, and the only thing we can rely on is our own ability. No one’s out there to help us. I believed that “faith is for suckers” who aren’t capable.

When I think back to that Bonnie, I realized that she was afraid.

But it’s okay. This proof-mongering belief protected me, which is what I needed at the time. It prevented me from getting hurt, being disappointed when things didn’t work out. If I relied on myself then I only have myself to blame.

Which meant, a whole lot of self-blaming. Which wasn’t fun.

These days, I’m finding that there is a balance between faith and reality in which we can exist.

This “need for proof” doesn’t really belong to either faith or reality. It’s old, and it no longer serves me

I’m ready to let it go, but first I had to recognize that I still held onto this belief.

And sometimes that’s all we need to do, in order to heal. Place our attention on what’s been buried within us. Giving it permission to surface.

Thank you, 3rd chakra, for holding and bring to my attention this old belief that I “need for proof” — I’m ready to let it go. 

Release.

⁠
In gratitude, Bonnie
💜🌈🌞✨